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General Category => Altrincham FC First Team => Topic started by: markecky on October 16, 2009, 01:14:32 PM
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Inspired by this...
"Travel home - "want a lift on the coach to Alty?" No, it's fine: I've got my train tickets. Last train from Burnley to Victoria cancelled, looks for phone in pub to call home. Me to barman "Do you have a phone?" "A what?" "A telephone?" "Don't know what the f*** you are talking about". Decides to hitch, picked up by really creepy guy with large amounts of porn scattered around car. "Reach under the seat" he says. "Why?" (nervous) "I've got a gun under there!" Releived to get out at M6 Junction. Several hours later, picke up by lorry driver and dropped at M6 / M56 junction- therefore illegally trespassing on motorway. Decides to walk along M56 to Alty, picked up by police at 3 o'clock in morning and eventually dumped in Hale Barns. Knocks on mum and dad's front door at nearly 4 o';clock more pissed off than you can possibly imagine."
Can anyone match or better that?
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You can! :D
http://www.network54.com/Forum/75616/message/1039165083/The+Gateshead+Tale
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Ballers...great find!!
Here it is, written by me 7 years ago...
Story comes about due to my hopeless addiction for watching Alty and a bit of a tight boss.
Its the Bob Lord trophy circa 93-94(?), Gateshead v Alty. Always the worst cup in the days before we knew the presidents cup etc. We are 3-1 down from the first leg and always get beat at Gateshead, basically if I had a house I would have put it on us losing again.
My boss won't let me leave until 5 o'clock, but undeterred I jump in the Maestro (B124 UNE)on me own and head off as fast as I can. Absolutely flying towards the A1, weaving like the red arrows and when on it I just put my foot to the floor. The car would do 94 if you put both feet on the accelerator although the shake from the steering wheel make your teeth knock together but on we went.
Didnt have a clue where i was going but headed for Gateshead and had an atlas and some programme directions. As I approached the town (still doing 94) I was map reading with it on my knee whilst driving (it may have been me who invented Police, camera, action and the quote of "look at this idiot map reading at 90 in a built up area"). Only slowing for speed cameras I headed for the international stadium. I arived to find the car park full due to a big event at the sports centre bit of the ground, so dumped the car in the middle of the car park and ran in. Still in messy painted up work gear I ran to the top of the steps and, as if he had been waiting for me, the ref blew the whistle and the game started. It was as bad as expected and we lost 3-1 (agg 6-2). The game seemed to last ten minutes and before I knew it I was back in the car and ready to go home again. I remember standing with Andy A both in our own cars on our own laughing at how much petrol we had used and how it might be an idea to communcate next time.
Setting off back and coming down the M62 (I think) fog started to roll in off the fields next to the motorway and I could not see a thing. I remember thinking that this is what suicidal people must feel like.
As I attempted to drive the radio was getting quieter (no FM on it, just MW/LW with big preset button on the front and only fast forward on the tape) so I kept turning it up and I was getting more and more tired. Then the lights started to dim on the dashboard and the radio went off. Now I know nothing about cars at all you see. So I carried on and really just wanted to get home and never wake up again.
Made it to Washway Road and by now everything has gone off, no dashboard lights, heater, radio nothing. I only realise by the fact that everyone is flashing me that I have done the last 60 miles without lights. So as 50 people tell me to put my lights on and I try and tell them they don't work but i'm not arsed, I plod on down Washway Road. There is a terrible knocking sound from the engine as well that i had been masking by having Atlantic 252 on very loud.
I have had to slow down so its about 1 o'clock now and I'm just trying to make it home without passing any old bill and I get as far as Barrington Road lights and just pray that there are not any coppers in sight. As I fly through the lights the first car is obviously the police. I try and belt it round the corner past the George and Dragon but before long the blue lights are flashing and he pulls me over into that little road next to the Cresta. Trying to act surprised when he said I had no lights on, I went the front of the car and scratched my head. When I opened the bonnet I realised that the fan belt had melted.
As the copper and his mate had a good laugh at the Maestro, and refused to believe it was MOT'd, I just sat there wondering whether I was officially mad. After issuing my producer, they left. I thought sod it, I'm still driving home not realising that when I turned the key there was no ignition and I was stranded. Five minutes later they came back and said I couldnt leave the car there as it was on double yellow lines!! As I lost it and said I wouldnt have been there if they hadn't stopped me they went off laughing. I kicked the car and called me Dad who reminded me I was in the RAC and asked why i had woke him up at half two when they worked 24 hours a day.
RAC took an hour, home at 4, up at seven and its one of the few times I have thought that watching City/United must be easier than this.
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I am going to make another entry..come on people..there must be many stories out there.
Car full of us going to a match at Leigh RMI..might have been a friendly I think. We get lost (I was probably driving) but not to worry as we see a lad in an Alty kit in Leigh.
"Hi mate, can you tell us where the ground is"
"Ground..which ground"
"Leigh mate...you going the match?"
"What match"
"The Alty match?"
"Alty?"
"Errr yes..you're an Alty fan? Wearing the kit?"
"Can't help you mate"...and walks off.
Weirdest thing ever!
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Mine is not so much a tale as a surreal memory:
Rick Jordan falling out of the main stand at Barrow and landing in the dugout. Absolutely bizarre!
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Mine is not so much a tale as a surreal memory:
Rick Jordan falling out of the main stand at Barrow and landing in the dugout. Absolutely bizarre!
I have a giggle about that every time i'm at Holker St. He actually landed in the Barrow dugout to the concern of the Barrow management team until they realised he was an Alty fan then they just sat back down and left him to it! Fortunately he was unscathed.
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I am going to make another entry..come on people..there must be many stories out there.
Car full of us going to a match at Leigh RMI..might have been a friendly I think. We get lost (I was probably driving) but not to worry as we see a lad in an Alty kit in Leigh.
"Hi mate, can you tell us where the ground is"
"Ground..which ground"
"Leigh mate...you going the match?"
"What match"
"The Alty match?"
"Alty?"
"Errr yes..you're an Alty fan? Wearing the kit?"
"Can't help you mate"...and walks off.
Weirdest thing ever!
Rings a bell this one,very bizarre! I've no doubt been involved in quite a few Alty stories but due to having worlds worst memory i can't remember much! Getting clothes lined of a Rushden steward was a bit odd!
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I am going to make another entry..come on people..there must be many stories out there.
Car full of us going to a match at Leigh RMI..might have been a friendly I think. We get lost (I was probably driving) but not to worry as we see a lad in an Alty kit in Leigh.
"Hi mate, can you tell us where the ground is"
"Ground..which ground"
"Leigh mate...you going the match?"
"What match"
"The Alty match?"
"Alty?"
"Errr yes..you're an Alty fan? Wearing the kit?"
"Can't help you mate"...and walks off.
Weirdest thing ever!
Rings a bell this one,very bizarre! I've no doubt been involved in quite a few Alty stories but due to having worlds worst memory i can't remember much! Getting clothes lined of a Rushden steward was a bit odd!
You were there mate defo.
I also remember being lost in Woking...and following a car with a WOKING FC car sticker at about 2:30. We ended up in a cul de sac and when we told the bloke why we had followed him he told us it wasn't his car!
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I am going to make another entry..come on people..there must be many stories out there.
Car full of us going to a match at Leigh RMI..might have been a friendly I think. We get lost (I was probably driving) but not to worry as we see a lad in an Alty kit in Leigh.
"Hi mate, can you tell us where the ground is"
"Ground..which ground"
"Leigh mate...you going the match?"
"What match"
"The Alty match?"
"Alty?"
"Errr yes..you're an Alty fan? Wearing the kit?"
"Can't help you mate"...and walks off.
Weirdest thing ever!
Rings a bell this one,very bizarre! I've no doubt been involved in quite a few Alty stories but due to having worlds worst memory i can't remember much! Getting clothes lined of a Rushden steward was a bit odd!
You were there mate defo.
I also remember being lost in Woking...and following a car with a WOKING FC car sticker at about 2:30. We ended up in a cul de sac and when we told the bloke why we had followed him he told us it wasn't his car!
Quality
I once followed the coach off the M56 to Vauxhall Motors, i'd have been stumped if it had cricket players on instead...
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I remember setting off bright and early to Welling in a car i'd just bought off my step dad with Hash,Ev and Torps. He'd advised me not to go because the fuel pump was on it's way out but being 18 and always knowing better i totally ignored him and went anyway despite not being in the AA or RAC! Anyway i picked the lads up and armed with the directions off we went. All was going brilliantly,traffic was great,car was flying and we made great time and we arrived safely about half one. Only problem was we arrived in Welwyn which was absolutely nowhere near Welling! Only being young and not really travelled around much i'd written down directions for totally the wrong place! Not to be deterred we parked up and headed off to WH Smith to have a nosey at an atlas to see if Welling was still possible. After working out it was only a couple of inches on the map we thought we'd give it a go,only problem was when we got back to the car it wouldn't start! The fuel pump that was on its way out had totally given up! We spent the entire day marooned in a place where we really didn't want to be. Luckily Hash's Dad was good enough to come and pick us up and brought his mechanic mate along to see if he could do anything with the stricken car which he couldn't without a new fuel pump. So the car was left abandoned in Welwyn and all the the way home Ev had to lye across the rest of us in the back of the car because there was six of us in a five seater! I had to go back to Welwyn the next day with my stepdad to fix the car and it turned out there was a new fuel pump in the boot all along which he just hadn't had time to fit! That weekend left alot of people very unimpressed with me!
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I seem to recall a story (which did not involve me in any way) about a weekend stopover in Dover when the game got snowed off. Is anyone able to elaborate on this?
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That was me,Pete,Jamie and Lem. Weather wasn't too bad when we set off. When we jumped off the train in Dover it was two foot deep in snow! Highlight of the weekend was cheering in the pub when the pools panel gave us an away win.
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Can anyone name the future Alty player that was among 9 lads crammed into my Cortina estate going to Witton. He was in the boot with 3 others!
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Can anyone name the future Alty player that was among 9 lads crammed into my Cortina estate going to Witton. He was in the boot with 3 others!
It's got to be Chrissy Adams!
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Can anyone name the future Alty player that was among 9 lads crammed into my Cortina estate going to Witton. He was in the boot with 3 others!
It's got to be Chrissy Adams!
It's not mate. The same lad was also in the boot for the 7 man trip to Kidderminster.
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That was me,Pete,Jamie and Lem. Weather wasn't too bad when we set off. When we jumped off the train in Dover it was two foot deep in snow! Highlight of the weekend was cheering in the pub when the pools panel gave us an away win.
I must be getting my stories a bit mixed up - I also seem to recall a story about Jimmy upsetting half the dining room in a B&B at breakfast time by using some quite choice language.
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That was me,Pete,Jamie and Lem. Weather wasn't too bad when we set off. When we jumped off the train in Dover it was two foot deep in snow! Highlight of the weekend was cheering in the pub when the pools panel gave us an away win.
I must be getting my stories a bit mixed up - I also seem to recall a story about Jimmy upsetting half the dining room in a B&B at breakfast time by using some quite choice language.
That happens on most weekends away!
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I remember setting off bright and early to Welling in a car i'd just bought off my step dad with Hash,Ev and Torps. He'd advised me not to go because the fuel pump was on it's way out but being 18 and always knowing better i totally ignored him and went anyway despite not being in the AA or RAC! Anyway i picked the lads up and armed with the directions off we went. All was going brilliantly,traffic was great,car was flying and we made great time and we arrived safely about half one. Only problem was we arrived in Welwyn which was absolutely nowhere near Welling! Only being young and not really travelled around much i'd written down directions for totally the wrong place! Not to be deterred we parked up and headed off to WH Smith to have a nosey at an atlas to see if Welling was still possible. After working out it was only a couple of inches on the map we thought we'd give it a go,only problem was when we got back to the car it wouldn't start! The fuel pump that was on its way out had totally given up! We spent the entire day marooned in a place where we really didn't want to be. Luckily Hash's Dad was good enough to come and pick us up and brought his mechanic mate along to see if he could do anything with the stricken car which he couldn't without a new fuel pump. So the car was left abandoned in Welwyn and all the the way home Ev had to lye across the rest of us in the back of the car because there was six of us in a five seater! I had to go back to Welwyn the next day with my stepdad to fix the car and it turned out there was a new fuel pump in the boot all along which he just hadn't had time to fit! That weekend left alot of people very unimpressed with me!
what a legendary day out that was , couple of things ya forgetting torps kickin of with about 10 cocks from welyn , inviting us down for a fight ev being pissed from 10 am till 4 am and the fact you had the spare part in ya boot which you foorgot to mention rofl what a day
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I love this thread ! I've learned more about my two sons' mis-spent youth in the last few minutes than I've done in years !
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I cant really get close to any of these tales but one particularly boozy saturday night me and rafo decided to drive to kettering the next day. This was probably 97-98 season. We were playing on Sunday for some reason, the game ended 0-0 I think, not that we ever got there.
We set off suitably hung over at about one. All we knew was that it was south of birmingham. We stopped at knutsford services rafo ran in looked at an A-Z and came back saying it was sorted. Off I set in my 205, a man on a mission with his sozzled sidekick navigator in the wings. Somewhere near Oxford rafo decided we should stop at the next services as it was 1445 and we still hadnt seen a sign for kettering. At the time I wasnt aware there was a bloody good reason for that, we'd been going in the wrong direction for about an hour. My trusty sidekick suggested we abandon all hope at about 3.15 when he made his 2nd consultation to an A-Z in the services realising that Oxord and Kettering aren't Alty and Macclesfield distance wise. We had a burger king and drove home. Id just split up with my bird at the time, I got home with rafo in tow about half six and my ex's mum was waiting outside the house to give me a piece of her mind as her precious daughter had locked herself in her bedroom for the past three days.
I think she gave up hope of getting through to me when I pulled up informed her that I wasnt in the mood as Id driven to Oxford and back for a whopper. She was probably glad id left her daughter when rafo also fell out of the car. His boyish good looks were still marred by his heavily toothpasted eyebrows from the night before, he was also sporting a signal quiff. I had decided not to tell him for a giggle and ended up not telling him out of anguish of missing the game.
I have many fond memories of Hugh being bizarre on the coach and fortunately I was never on the carsville on one of its many breakdowns.
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I cant really get close to any of these tales but one particularly boozy saturday night me and rafo decided to drive to kettering the next day. This was probably 97-98 season. We were playing on Sunday for some reason, the game ended 0-0 I think, not that we ever got there.
We set off suitably hung over at about one. All we knew was that it was south of birmingham. We stopped at knutsford services rafo ran in looked at an A-Z and came back saying it was sorted. Off I set in my 205, a man on a mission with his sozzled sidekick navigator in the wings. Somewhere near Oxford rafo decided we should stop at the next services as it was 1445 and we still hadnt seen a sign for kettering. At the time I wasnt aware there was a bloody good reason for that, we'd been going in the wrong direction for about an hour. My trusty sidekick suggested we abandon all hope at about 3.15 when he made his 2nd consultation to an A-Z in the services realising that Oxord and Kettering aren't Alty and Macclesfield distance wise. We had a burger king and drove home. Id just split up with my bird at the time, I got home with rafo in tow about half six and my ex's mum was waiting outside the house to give me a piece of her mind as her precious daughter had locked herself in her bedroom for the past three days.
I think she gave up hope of getting through to me when I pulled up informed her that I wasnt in the mood as Id driven to Oxford and back for a whopper. She was probably glad id left her daughter when rafo also fell out of the car. His boyish good looks were still marred by his heavily toothpasted eyebrows from the night before, he was also sporting a signal quiff. I had decided not to tell him for a giggle and ended up not telling him out of anguish of missing the game.
I have many fond memories of Hugh being bizarre on the coach and fortunately I was never on the carsville on one of its many breakdowns.
Exactly the kind of stuff we want on this thread!! Marvellous tale...a signal quiiff being one of the highlights..
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I remember setting off bright and early to Welling in a car i'd just bought off my step dad with Hash,Ev and Torps. He'd advised me not to go because the fuel pump was on it's way out but being 18 and always knowing better i totally ignored him and went anyway despite not being in the AA or RAC! Anyway i picked the lads up and armed with the directions off we went. All was going brilliantly,traffic was great,car was flying and we made great time and we arrived safely about half one. Only problem was we arrived in Welwyn which was absolutely nowhere near Welling! Only being young and not really travelled around much i'd written down directions for totally the wrong place! Not to be deterred we parked up and headed off to WH Smith to have a nosey at an atlas to see if Welling was still possible. After working out it was only a couple of inches on the map we thought we'd give it a go,only problem was when we got back to the car it wouldn't start! The fuel pump that was on its way out had totally given up! We spent the entire day marooned in a place where we really didn't want to be. Luckily Hash's Dad was good enough to come and pick us up and brought his mechanic mate along to see if he could do anything with the stricken car which he couldn't without a new fuel pump. So the car was left abandoned in Welwyn and all the the way home Ev had to lye across the rest of us in the back of the car because there was six of us in a five seater! I had to go back to Welwyn the next day with my stepdad to fix the car and it turned out there was a new fuel pump in the boot all along which he just hadn't had time to fit! That weekend left alot of people very unimpressed with me!
what a legendary day out that was , couple of things ya forgetting torps kickin of with about 10 cocks from welyn , inviting us down for a fight ev being pissed from 10 am till 4 am and the fact you had the spare part in ya boot which you foorgot to mention rofl what a day
I forgot about Torps kicking off in McDonalds! Think it was because they were spitting paper through straws at him. I remember your Dad getting annoyed at Ev for launching empty stella bottles onto the M1!
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I cant really get close to any of these tales but one particularly boozy saturday night me and rafo decided to drive to kettering the next day. This was probably 97-98 season. We were playing on Sunday for some reason, the game ended 0-0 I think, not that we ever got there.
We set off suitably hung over at about one. All we knew was that it was south of birmingham. We stopped at knutsford services rafo ran in looked at an A-Z and came back saying it was sorted. Off I set in my 205, a man on a mission with his sozzled sidekick navigator in the wings. Somewhere near Oxford rafo decided we should stop at the next services as it was 1445 and we still hadnt seen a sign for kettering. At the time I wasnt aware there was a bloody good reason for that, we'd been going in the wrong direction for about an hour. My trusty sidekick suggested we abandon all hope at about 3.15 when he made his 2nd consultation to an A-Z in the services realising that Oxord and Kettering aren't Alty and Macclesfield distance wise. We had a burger king and drove home. Id just split up with my bird at the time, I got home with rafo in tow about half six and my ex's mum was waiting outside the house to give me a piece of her mind as her precious daughter had locked herself in her bedroom for the past three days.
I think she gave up hope of getting through to me when I pulled up informed her that I wasnt in the mood as Id driven to Oxford and back for a whopper. She was probably glad id left her daughter when rafo also fell out of the car. His boyish good looks were still marred by his heavily toothpasted eyebrows from the night before, he was also sporting a signal quiff. I had decided not to tell him for a giggle and ended up not telling him out of anguish of missing the game.
I have many fond memories of Hugh being bizarre on the coach and fortunately I was never on the carsville on one of its many breakdowns.
Good old Rafo! Myself and Mike Crockett once left him in charge of booking the hotel for the end of season night out in Woking and were surprised when we ended up in a travel lodge on a service station on the M4! We had to set off for the match about 11am we were that far away and by a combination of bus,tube,train and coach we arrived at the ground 15 minutes before kick off! Needless to say the taxi back to the hotel in the early hours after a good drinking session wasn't cheap!
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I can remember drinking in a bar in Llandudno one friday night and this massive slurring drunk barged me out of the way to get his pint, next day he was on the bench for Alty in a friendly at Bamber Bridge 2003/4 season possibly D. M anyone guess who it was ?
Secondly was giving Hughie a lift when seeing him running near congleton on the way to a friendly, said he'd ran from Alty !
Mid 90's cheshire cup tie at the Vics an Alty fan ? was cursing the vics as we entered the ground and decided to put his foot through the advertising hording, funniest thing he got stuck and was begging for help from the bemused vics stewards. ::)
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I can remember drinking in a bar in Llandudno one friday night and this massive slurring drunk barged me out of the way to get his pint, next day he was on the bench for Alty in a friendly at Bamber Bridge 2003/4 season possibly D. M anyone guess who it was ?
Secondly was giving Hughie a lift when seeing him running near congleton on the way to a friendly, said he'd ran from Alty !
Mid 90's cheshire cup tie at the Vics an Alty fan ? was cursing the vics as we entered the ground and decided to put his foot through the advertising hording, funniest thing he got stuck and was begging for help from the bemused vics stewards. ::)
Dave Martindale?
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I can remember drinking in a bar in Llandudno one friday night and this massive slurring drunk barged me out of the way to get his pint, next day he was on the bench for Alty in a friendly at Bamber Bridge 2003/4 season possibly D. M anyone guess who it was ?
Secondly was giving Hughie a lift when seeing him running near congleton on the way to a friendly, said he'd ran from Alty !
Mid 90's cheshire cup tie at the Vics an Alty fan ? was cursing the vics as we entered the ground and decided to put his foot through the advertising hording, funniest thing he got stuck and was begging for help from the bemused vics stewards. ::)
Danny Murphy?
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He had a kick like a mule and wasn't the sharpest tool in the box ! ended up at Conwy and Colwyn Bay I think. D. Ma....
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He had a kick like a mule and wasn't the sharpest tool in the box ! ended up at Conwy and Colwyn Bay I think. D. Ma....
Would that be Danny Magoona?
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Cheers Joe ;D
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Another fan/player story...
When I was 14 (1995) I did a bit of trainspotting with my mate. One Friday afternoon we were on our way back from Leeds, discussing the following days game...
This guy pops his head over the seat and says ''you follow Alty ?'' ''yes'' I replied. ''I play for them'' ... the particular person was Yorkshire based and on his way to Alty for an overnight stay down south with the team
Anyone guess who ?
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Another fan/player story...
When I was 14 (1995) I did a bit of trainspotting with my mate. One Friday afternoon we were on our way back from Leeds, discussing the following days game...
This guy pops his head over the seat and says ''you follow Alty ?'' ''yes'' I replied. ''I play for them'' ... the particular person was Yorkshire based and on his way to Alty for an overnight stay down south with the team
Anyone guess who ?
Which leads to the question: which is better?
Train spotting or Alty player spotting?
There's only one way to find out...........
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTT!
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Not in the same league but still amused to recall nasha (rocky robin) minus suit at frickley. before the game starts just chatting away a ball lands on our side of the fence, nasha runs to get it, slips, sumersaults over the advertising hording and ends up on the pitch.
Anybody else recall the wakefield - emley player stepping over the advertising hoardings up the massive concrete terracing (at wakefield) and having a piss before returning to the game?
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Another fan/player story...
When I was 14 (1995) I did a bit of trainspotting with my mate. One Friday afternoon we were on our way back from Leeds, discussing the following days game...
This guy pops his head over the seat and says ''you follow Alty ?'' ''yes'' I replied. ''I play for them'' ... the particular person was Yorkshire based and on his way to Alty for an overnight stay down south with the team
Anyone guess who ?
Shaun Constable?
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Another fan/player story...
When I was 14 (1995) I did a bit of trainspotting with my mate. One Friday afternoon we were on our way back from Leeds, discussing the following days game...
This guy pops his head over the seat and says ''you follow Alty ?'' ''yes'' I replied. ''I play for them'' ... the particular person was Yorkshire based and on his way to Alty for an overnight stay down south with the team
Anyone guess who ?
Paul France?
Shaun Constable?
I remember they were both Yorkshire based, I think.
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Ive quite a few tbh- however due to the fear of prosecution id struggle to tell them all ;D
I do however rememeber one parictualr away day some years ago on a coach down south- the year and location escape me now but it was one of the furthest away at that time for us
At that time you used to get away with drinking on the coaches
Now there was a fair old few of us drinking and drinking quite heavily
Well needless to say the bladders started to fill after some time and the normal people on the coach were not wanting to keep stopping so after some time people started to " relieve" themselves in anything they could find to hand- cans bottles- etc
That not being bad enough said cans would then be placed on the coach floor to fall over
I can recall the coach having a sort of gully down the centre - which became a lake of piss
So as the coach slowed the river went down then as it sped up it returned.
As you can imagine fairly unpleasent
I do also recall one wanker stealing money out of another fans purse wich was bang out of order
Neadless to say certain fans were banned and heavy drinking frowned upon - cant understand why!
Another one was taking Ian Houghton and Simon dunn to Rushden and diamonds in the datsun and they fought each other for a full 3 hours going- then in the return i got stopped on the motorway doing 98 and got a producer some how?- those were the days of common sense!
But also my car was that fooked the passenger door would not open so when the copper wanted to talk to Ian he had to roll down the window only lmao- just as well he didint check there names and addresses would have been fooked !!
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Another fan/player story...
When I was 14 (1995) I did a bit of trainspotting with my mate. One Friday afternoon we were on our way back from Leeds, discussing the following days game...
This guy pops his head over the seat and says ''you follow Alty ?'' ''yes'' I replied. ''I play for them'' ... the particular person was Yorkshire based and on his way to Alty for an overnight stay down south with the team
Anyone guess who ?
Shaun Constable?
Correct !
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I have a few memories from away weekends.
Once we stayed in Oxford after a game against Wycombe. Happily walking down the road to the pub some idiot dressed as a wizard walks up to us and says he is the wizzard of Oxford. Tosser.
Then there was the midweek trip to Fisher for an FA Trophey 2millionth replay. We were in this shed of a minibus driven by the late great Tony Dawson and asked the team coach driver if we could follow them on the journey out of London. No problems was the reply. Having to wait for the team to have all the aftermatch food and beverages we set off at about 1am. The team bus then went on a mini sightseeing tour of central London. Tony dodging in and out of bus lanes to keep up. Next time we saw the coach driver he told us he had forgot we were following.
Those were the days.
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worcester in the early eighties I went as a naive bike riding passenger on the back of a bonneville 750 which flew down the motorway in a terrifyingly fast time on arriving in worcester i got off the bike only to find i had rested my heels on the exhaust pipe and not the footrest , they had melted and moulded themselves into exhaust pipe shape. This made for a very strange walk. we then decided to invade several real ale pubs and ended up in a personal favourite The green dragon at Bishops Frome eleventeen pints watch the match and then a nother particularly scary ride back home via shropshires finest real ale micro breweries (there were not many in those days) Dasher downings at stottesdon three tuns at bishpos castle all nations madeley some old ma pardoes in dudley. back on the bike aand home for about 9pm . i cannot thin k why we never died as driving a bonny 750 pissed with a very pissed passenger cannot be that easy.
Drinking on coaches was great and should be mandatory
The postponed game at Bangor when we ended up at Rhyl v Macc , young mossy was seriously tortured all the way there then got kicked out of the club at Rhyl because he got the blame for an unfortunate fire extinguisher related incident.
I went through a stage where i had great difficulty keeping my arse in my pants which led to an embarrasing incident where we went past a vics coach who i decided neaded to see my arse which was all well and good until we pulled into the service station 10 seconds later closely followed by said vics coach.
youve all heard the weymouth stories before but those three or four weekends were special
one slghtly bizarre one was Chorley away me and a mate decided to train there for opening time and make friends with the locals which we acheived very well . so we went back to visit our new friends after the match and missed several trains eventually ending up in bolton where we repeated the lets go and make new friends trick and eventually got poured onto the train which went straight through to hale. I was awoken with a shout down my ear. Pete is Mobberley after Hale? yes replies the quick thinking me and it 's not a problemn because we can get the train back in an hour and go drinking in the railway whist we wait . A walk up to said pub and we are stopped on the door by some schoolboy in a bouncer suit, you cant come in its a private function says he, your not big enough to stop me says I. schoolboy bouncer agrees and we go through the door only to find the place full of people in dinner suits .2 pints of bitter please landlord says i , your not invited are you? says landlord, yes says I realising that jeans t shirt with every stain in the world is not the same as dinner suit. back to station we went to find no train for about 6 days and a taxi required to Hale 20 quid later we arrived in railway hale at 11.01 and had missed last orders. gutted.
l
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I remember a three car pileup while we were waiting for a police escort into Darlington for an FA cup game. Also remember somebody letting off a fire extinguisher at Rhyl, after our game had been cancelled at Bangor around 81-82 I think. I think the perpetrater had an older brother and lived somewhere near Manchester Airport side of Hale in the country.
Also remember Elsie Tanner off Coronation Street taking a centre kick to start off a charity game which I'm sure involved Altrincham but for some reason may have been played at Sale Rugby Club, mid 60's I think. I'm sure she fell slightly and somebody snogged her. This one is vague though and may not be entirely accurate.
Steve from Sale
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I went as a naive bike riding passenger on the back of a bonneville 750
l
i once went to a game (a home game!) on the back of phil halls bonneville
i have never sat on a motorbike again, it was terrifying
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The Gazelle earlier alluded to a game at Macc where there was to be fair a bit of handbags or more both at half time and on the way out. Not sure if it was the same game, but one of the Macc boys wore a long leather and had a dark centre parting, as the times dictated.Not the nicest of blokes I recall.
The return was on New Year, but unbeknown to me and my mate, while we sank a few in The Bridge, it snowed like hell. First knowledge of how bad it was was when the Macc team walked in!
I left the pub to head home to Sale, but the trains were all cancelled, due to the snow. As I left the station I saw Mr Long Leather, on his own and despondent. In a friendly way I said I recognised him and said come on I'll get you on the bus to Manchester. We got the 263/264 which slithered its way along the A556 until it was time for me to get off at the bottom of Dane Rd, where I kindly told him to join me, and waited while I put him on the 222 towards Partington. I'd like to think he's still wandering around Carrington Moss trying to find a way home.
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The Gazelle earlier alluded to a game at Macc where there was to be fair a bit of handbags or more both at half time and on the way out. Not sure if it was the same game, but one of the Macc boys wore a long leather and had a dark centre parting, as the times dictated.Not the nicest of blokes I recall.
The return was on New Year, but unbeknown to me and my mate, while we sank a few in The Bridge, it snowed like hell. First knowledge of how bad it was was when the Macc team walked in!
I left the pub to head home to Sale, but the trains were all cancelled, due to the snow. As I left the station I saw Mr Long Leather, on his own and despondent. In a friendly way I said I recognised him and said come on I'll get you on the bus to Manchester. We got the 263/264 which slithered its way along the A556 until it was time for me to get off at the bottom of Dane Rd, where I kindly told him to join me, and waited while I put him on the 222 towards Partington. I'd like to think he's still wandering around Carrington Moss trying to find a way home.
SW,
Sheer quality, that one!
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Also remember Elsie Tanner off Coronation Street taking a centre kick to start off a charity game which I'm sure involved Altrincham but for some reason may have been played at Sale Rugby Club, mid 60's I think. I'm sure she fell slightly and somebody snogged her. This one is vague though and may not be entirely accurate.
Steve from Sale
Seems like the sixties were all that I have read about them. Have you been on the sherry Steve? ;D
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I cant really get close to any of these tales but one particularly boozy saturday night me and rafo decided to drive to kettering the next day. This was probably 97-98 season. We were playing on Sunday for some reason, the game ended 0-0 I think, not that we ever got there.
We set off suitably hung over at about one. All we knew was that it was south of birmingham. We stopped at knutsford services rafo ran in looked at an A-Z and came back saying it was sorted. Off I set in my 205, a man on a mission with his sozzled sidekick navigator in the wings. Somewhere near Oxford rafo decided we should stop at the next services as it was 1445 and we still hadnt seen a sign for kettering. At the time I wasnt aware there was a bloody good reason for that, we'd been going in the wrong direction for about an hour. My trusty sidekick suggested we abandon all hope at about 3.15 when he made his 2nd consultation to an A-Z in the services realising that Oxord and Kettering aren't Alty and Macclesfield distance wise. We had a burger king and drove home. Id just split up with my bird at the time, I got home with rafo in tow about half six and my ex's mum was waiting outside the house to give me a piece of her mind as her precious daughter had locked herself in her bedroom for the past three days.
I think she gave up hope of getting through to me when I pulled up informed her that I wasnt in the mood as Id driven to Oxford and back for a whopper. She was probably glad id left her daughter when rafo also fell out of the car. His boyish good looks were still marred by his heavily toothpasted eyebrows from the night before, he was also sporting a signal quiff. I had decided not to tell him for a giggle and ended up not telling him out of anguish of missing the game.
I have many fond memories of Hugh being bizarre on the coach and fortunately I was never on the carsville on one of its many breakdowns.
;D ;D ;D
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I suspect that the gazelle himself will probably recall the following surreal incident, as I'm pretty certain that he was on the same coach that particular afternoon...
Does anyone else recollect travelling to Runcorn on an extremely wet Saturday circa 1978 in a coach driven by the father of the former Manchester City & Oldham player, Roger Palmer?
Alas, in those pre-Go Goodwin's times, the aforementioned driver had no idea whatsoever how to locate the Canal Street ground and we seemed to spend ages way off track and circumnavigating the concrete monstrosity that was Runcorn's Shopping City, whilst bewildering directions were bellowed towards Mister Palmer Snr. by a combination of Dennis and David Birch.
I can still here the forlorn cries of: "Tell him to follow the signs for the old town, Dennis" followed by the exasperated response of "I cannot see the signs for the old town, man!" to this very day.
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I suspect that the gazelle himself will probably recall the following surreal incident, as I'm pretty certain that he was on the same coach that particular afternoon...
Does anyone else recollect travelling to Runcorn on an extremely wet Saturday circa 1978 in a coach driven by the father of the former Manchester City & Oldham player, Roger Palmer?
Alas, in those pre-Go Goodwin's times, the aforementioned driver had no idea whatsoever how to locate the Canal Street ground and we seemed to spend ages way off track and circumnavigating the concrete monstrosity that was Runcorn's Shopping City, whilst bewildering directions were bellowed towards Mister Palmer Snr. by a combination of Dennis and David Birch.
I can still here the forlorn cries of: "Tell him to follow the signs for the old town, Dennis" followed by the exasperated response of "I cannot see the signs for the old town, man!" to this very day.
One of the things I remember about Canal Street is that if you missed the turning you could see it from various bridges..but couldn't get to it!
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indeed i was on the same coach we did 37 laps of runcorn and even ended up in shopping city Enos was our regular driver in those days.
I know who let the fire extinguisher off at Rhyl and the description provided above is inaccurate he was just the guy (Mossy) who got the blame . The perpetrator has a son who occasionally posts bizarre messages on here.
other bizare memories for the older guys include The other SW being so pissed he fell asleep on the chequers end we then carried him coffin style when we changed ends with 50 mourners all walking behind humming the funerl march. talking of the other sw he provided great hilarity when he threw up on a policewoman at wembley.
A certain four individuals got very drunk at a party one night and decided to drive to northwich and dig the word alty into the pitch, prior to our visit to the drill field, in a free george David type way. we they acheived said activity but our efforts were a bit paltry as one spade and four drunks is not a good combination, however they were very glad when they awoke sober the next day and no real damage was done and the incident never got a mention.
there are many stories to reminisce about, nothing serious, but many things that caused great hilarity at the time
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indeed i was on the same coach we did 37 laps of runcorn and even ended up in shopping city Enos was our regular driver in those days.
I know who let the fire extinguisher off at Rhyl and the description provided above is inaccurate he was just the guy (Mossy) who got the blame . The perpetrator has a son who occasionally posts bizarre messages on here.
other bizare memories for the older guys include The other SW being so pissed he fell asleep on the chequers end we then carried him coffin style when we changed ends with 50 mourners all walking behind humming the funerl march. talking of the other sw he provided great hilarity when he threw up on a policewoman at wembley.
A certain four individuals got very drunk at a party one night and decided to drive to northwich and dig the word alty into the pitch, prior to our visit to the drill field, in a free george David type way. we they acheived said activity but our efforts were a bit paltry as one spade and four drunks is not a good combination, however they were very glad when they awoke sober the next day and no real damage was done and the incident never got a mention.
there are many stories to reminisce about, nothing serious, but many things that caused great hilarity at the time
Ocaasionally ? I thought I posted bizarre things all the time ;D
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I would attend a dinner where The Gazelle told stories about watching Alty all night.
Digging Alty into the Drill field pitch? Just superb...
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i remember being at the game and gazelle telling us all about it. to be honest you couldnt tell anything had been done and at the end of the game we wandered onto the pitch (as you could in those days) to have a look if we could see it. if memory serves mr gazelle wasnt even too sure which end it was at.
i was probably even at the party and thankfully left early!
re runcorn i too was on that coach. in those days pre satnav/internet it was often a case of getting to the town and looking for floodlights
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Gazelle,
My dad said it wasn't him who set the extinguisher off, he was on the coach outside.
He also asked if anybody remembered him stroking a police dog at Bishop Auckland late 70's and nearly having his head ripped off.
Also... who's mother was always last on the coach after stop offs to away games, they even moved the coach to see if it hurried her up ;D tight sods
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Very Bizarre indeeed I didnt say it was yer dad you bizarrely thought i thought your posts were bizarre when the bizarre poster claimed he was going to play for us and then changed to playing for vics then thought up a bizarre way of raising money for the clubwhich is much more bizarre than your bizarrest post .
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Bizarre
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The looking for floodlights way of finding the football ground did not always work. The first time I went to Nuneatonwe got onto the inner ring road and my passenger said "there's the lights", pointing to the other side of the town centre. I did the obvious and took the next left heading throgh the shopping centre only to find it ended up pedestrianised, and had to turn back. So round the ring road we went in the direction of said floodlights and drove into a big car park only to see in big letters on the back of the stand Nuneaton RUFC.
We decided to ask this rather posh looking chap, who was directing traffic on the car park, the way to the football ground. to which he replied in a very plum in the gob, I am so superior RU voice " Oh you mean the socceeeeer ground, thats at the rough end of town". We did get there eventually and joined all the other scruffs at the rough end??????? of Nuneaton
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I remember a three car pileup while we were waiting for a police escort into Darlington for an FA cup game. Also remember somebody letting off a fire extinguisher at Rhyl, after our game had been cancelled at Bangor around 81-82 I think. I think the perpetrater had an older brother and lived somewhere near Manchester Airport side of Hale in the country.
I remember a big Traffic Policeman getting on our coach and 'advising' us that we had in fact not seen the aforementioned accident, probably because he didn't want to take 53 statements.
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Thanks Phil
Highly amusing and very succinctly put if I may say so.
Steve from Sale
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This thread is great for a re-read at work (not for my stories but others)...hence the bump..
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Intrigued to hear some more of the Hugh oddities!
Always remember bringing some "out of town" friends to a game once, and they spent a large amount of time during one half, watching a bloke take slices of bread, from the full loaf he had and dipping them into the cold can of beans he was cradling!
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The most legendary Hugh one was the walking to an away game at Dover in the mid 1990s from Germany (or maybe Luxembourg?) when he was studying over there, I think he set off on Thursday morning for a Saturday 3pm ko. Was given an Alty training jacket by Kingy to keep warm for the trip back. I'm sure there was an article about this very story once in the Robins Review, anyone else recall this?
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The most legendary Hugh one was the walking to an away game at Dover in the mid 1990s from Germany (or maybe Luxembourg?) when he was studying over there, I think he set off on Thursday morning for a Saturday 3pm ko. Was given an Alty training jacket by Kingy to keep warm for the trip back. I'm sure there was an article about this very story once in the Robins Review, anyone else recall this?
legend!
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1985 fa trophy final living as i do in kidderminster i got my ticket via the then club secretary at Harriers the late Ray Mercer (he also got me my marriage license as well ). They were playing in the Welsh Cup Final against Wrexham the following day so none of there officials went to Wembley so i had a ticket right next to the royal box and not only a great view of the goal but also Alty picking up the Trophy.