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[TheCultOfIanTunnacliffe]

ALDERSHOT TOWN (A)
Result: 1-0 win

In scenes reminiscent of the ‘siege of Doncaster’ back in September 1999, the Robins somehow survive an onslaught on their goal from the league leaders, who hit the bar more often than Amy Winehouse.

With mere seconds of added time remaining, Aldershot keeper Nikki Bull makes a complete hash of a backpass from Lewis Chalmers and the ball trickles over the line to present the Robins with an amazing victory.

The Alty supporters later invade the pitch and carry Chalmers on their shoulders. Five weeks later, he is named as Alty’s Player Of The Year.

STAFFORD RANGERS (H)
Result: 4-0 win

Steve Bull lives up to his billing as the Kevin Keegan of the Blue Square Premier by totally bewildering his team with bizarre tactics. An early Colin Little goal eases the Alty nerves and then substitute Pat McFadden rattles in a second half hat-trick in only three minutes.

TORQUAY UNITED (H)
Result: 1-0 win

Casting his mind back to that fruitless trip to Devon back in December and recalling how Torquay don‘t like playing on a pitch with a drop of water on it, the grudge-bearing Brian Flynn brings his hosepipe along to Moss Lane and drenches the playing surface before the match.

A combination of that most inconsiderate incessant Northern drizzle during the game; Mister Flynn baying at the visitors like Dennis Birch on LSD and the Torquay players dreaming of their forthcoming FA Trophy final appearance in a lovely clean and dry kit conspires to turn the visitors into a toothless outfit.

In the 78th minute, Darren Tinson scores the winner with a stunning overhead kick a la Hugo Sanchez.

KIDDERMINSTER HARRIERS (A)
Result: 1-0 defeat

Alas, negativity sets back in again, as Alty refuse to leave their own half for the entire 90 minutes.
Steve Aspinall slices a clearance into his own net after 53 minutes and is promptly replaced at left full back by Richard Acton.

BURTON ALBION (A)
Result: 0-0 draw

Expecting a leisurely stroll and a comfortable victory against the Robins, Nigel Clough names himself in the home team’s starting XI.

However, in a brilliant display of foresight and inspired tactical acumen, Graham Heathcote counteracts this move by playing himself in the Robins’ line-up and doing a man-marking job on Clough that nullifies the Burton manager’s influence.

Alas, with only two minutes left on the clock, Heathcote is sent off for arguing with the referee about a drop ball decision but Alty hang on to earn a valuable point.   

SALISBURY CITY (H)
Result: 1-0 win

A desperately dull encounter is seemingly heading for a goalless stalemate.

In the 81st minute, Alty win a corner at the Golf Road End but before it can be taken, there is an extraordinary incident when George Heslop streaks across the Moss Lane turf wearing nothing but a fez on his head.

Their concentration utterly disrupted and now suffering various degrees of post-traumatic shock, the Salisbury players fail to defend the eventual corner and an unmarked Greg Young heads home at the far post.

Meanwhile, Phil Taylor escorts George Heslop towards the Main Stand, the fez now covering a different part of Alty's Club Secretary's anatomy.

EBBSFLEET UNITED (A)
Result: 2-0 win

Distracted by their imminent visit to Wembley, the home side rest several key players and allow some members of the MyFootballClub website to play for the first team instead.

This strategy backfires horribly, as goals from Senior and Little emulate the scoreline of that joyous day at Stonebridge Road back in May 1980.

WEYMOUTH (A)
Result: 8-0 defeat

The Robins go into the game safe from relegation.
Meanwhile, Weymouth need to win the game by a margin of eight goals to stay up themselves, which would then condemn Northwich Victoria to relegation.

Astonishingly, the home side achieve their target.

Four own goals in the last five minutes by Robbie Lawton result in the Robins’ supporters chairing him on their shoulders in a post match lap of honour. 

[Longman]

Busy day today mate?

[Butty]

You have just cheered my day up. Thanks for that, the funniest thing I've read for a long time.

[Hamilton]

You have just cheered my day up. Thanks for that, the funniest thing I've read for a long time.

Funny? I was hoping it was serious!

[Brian Flynn]

ALDERSHOT TOWN (A)
Result: 1-0 win

In scenes reminiscent of the ‘siege of Doncaster’ back in September 1999, the Robins somehow survive an onslaught on their goal from the league leaders, who hit the bar more often than Amy Winehouse.

With mere seconds of added time remaining, Aldershot keeper Nikki Bull makes a complete hash of a backpass from Lewis Chalmers and the ball trickles over the line to present the Robins with an amazing victory.

The Alty supporters later invade the pitch and carry Chalmers on their shoulders. Five weeks later, he is named as Alty’s Player Of The Year.

STAFFORD RANGERS (H)
Result: 4-0 win

Steve Bull lives up to his billing as the Kevin Keegan of the Blue Square Premier by totally bewildering his team with bizarre tactics. An early Colin Little goal eases the Alty nerves and then substitute Pat McFadden rattles in a second half hat-trick in only three minutes.

TORQUAY UNITED (H)
Result: 1-0 win

Casting his mind back to that fruitless trip to Devon back in December and recalling how Torquay don‘t like playing on a pitch with a drop of water on it, the grudge-bearing Brian Flynn brings his hosepipe along to Moss Lane and drenches the playing surface before the match.

A combination of that most inconsiderate incessant Northern drizzle during the game; Mister Flynn baying at the visitors like Dennis Birch on LSD and the Torquay players dreaming of their forthcoming FA Trophy final appearance in a lovely clean and dry kit conspires to turn the visitors into a toothless outfit.

In the 78th minute, Darren Tinson scores the winner with a stunning overhead kick a la Hugo Sanchez.

KIDDERMINSTER HARRIERS (A)
Result: 1-0 defeat

Alas, negativity sets back in again, as Alty refuse to leave their own half for the entire 90 minutes.
Steve Aspinall slices a clearance into his own net after 53 minutes and is promptly replaced at left full back by Richard Acton.

BURTON ALBION (A)
Result: 0-0 draw

Expecting a leisurely stroll and a comfortable victory against the Robins, Nigel Clough names himself in the home team’s starting XI.

However, in a brilliant display of foresight and inspired tactical acumen, Graham Heathcote counteracts this move by playing himself in the Robins’ line-up and doing a man-marking job on Clough that nullifies the Burton manager’s influence.

Alas, with only two minutes left on the clock, Heathcote is sent off for arguing with the referee about a drop ball decision but Alty hang on to earn a valuable point.   

SALISBURY CITY (H)
Result: 1-0 win

A desperately dull encounter is seemingly heading for a goalless stalemate.

In the 81st minute, Alty win a corner at the Golf Road End but before it can be taken, there is an extraordinary incident when George Heslop streaks across the Moss Lane turf wearing nothing but a fez on his head.

Their concentration utterly disrupted and now suffering various degrees of post-traumatic shock, the Salisbury players fail to defend the eventual corner and an unmarked Greg Young heads home at the far post.

Meanwhile, Phil Taylor escorts George Heslop towards the Main Stand, the fez now covering a different part of Alty's Club Secretary's anatomy.

EBBSFLEET UNITED (A)
Result: 2-0 win

Distracted by their imminent visit to Wembley, the home side rest several key players and allow some members of the MyFootballClub website to play for the first team instead.

This strategy backfires horribly, as goals from Senior and Little emulate the scoreline of that joyous day at Stonebridge Road back in May 1980.

WEYMOUTH (A)
Result: 8-0 defeat

The Robins go into the game safe from relegation.
Meanwhile, Weymouth need to win the game by a margin of eight goals to stay up themselves, which would then condemn Northwich Victoria to relegation.

Astonishingly, the home side achieve their target.

Four own goals in the last five minutes by Robbie Lawton result in the Robins’ supporters chairing him on their shoulders in a post match lap of honour. 

Excellent stuff!!!

Looking forward to my trip to Aldershot now!!!!!!!!!!!