I’ve been under a lot of pressure at work lately. The people who pay my wages have been on my back because I keep making stupid mistakes and performing poorly. 2 years ago I was the employee of the year here and made the company record profits. Don’t they realise I am the company? Don’t they realise I know better than them and that I am still confident in my own ability? How dare the people who pay my wages even think about criticising my performances! They even ask me to explain myself when I do things wrong!
If they don’t like the work I do they can stop monitoring my progress, it’s as simple as that. Luckily, my boss and his colleagues are my friends and he won’t stand for any of this nonsense. If I leave they’ll come with me – that will teach the people who pay my wages not to speak their minds! I’ll even make sure some of the people in my team leave too because it’s all about me, not the company. It doesn’t matter what happens to this company because without me it is nothing anyway. The people who help to fund it are completely irrelevant and I’ll get a job somewhere else without any trouble at all. Yesterday, one of the people who pays my wages came to my desk and tried to point out where I was going wrong. I showed him who was boss by cupping my ear at him and then standing there with my arms folded. Anyone else who dares to question my judgement will get more of the same.
When I told my boss what had happened he patted me on the back and sent a memo out to the whole company stating that everyone had short memories and anyone who didn’t like the way things were could stop coming in.
I think I have just about the safest job in the world, don’t you?
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Familiar story?
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