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General Category => Altrincham FC First Team => Topic started by: AltyTunnelSteward on June 12, 2007, 11:23:45 AM
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I think we fed you the wrong feedline there hence the rather odd but nonetheless politically incorrect and therefore humourous punchline.
My wife's got no nose incidentally.
Go on then Jezza....'How does she smell?
Have split this topic as its worthy of its own! (admin)
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Jamaica
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Half past three
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I have said on other threads that Peter gave good service to Alty,he has moved on lets just wish him luck back at Hyde and leave it at that.Those people who start having a go at him or his wife are only making themselves look silly.
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Fish fingers
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"lets go out on bikes"
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Nith Horth!
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And then he said to the chaplains wife..
"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't hear you say organist"
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Le......arrrrrr.....r.....d
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"arty chokes two for a pound in Tesco's"
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"You know who that is don't you? That's Thaw A Herd!"
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"Turner Brown?...thank God for that..I though you said Turn Around!"
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"PING-PONG BALLS? I THOUGHT YOU SAID KING KONG'S BALLS!"
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For Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais, with mild scream hairy lip squid.
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Sean Connery - "the reason I do it, Cilla is that the last time I slept with a scouser.........she nicked my wallet "
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Good old Woollies
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I have said on other threads that Peter gave good service to Alty,he has moved on lets just wish him luck back at Hyde and leave it at that.Those people who start having a go at him or his wife are only making themselves look silly.
A cracker!
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Justin Bowler is on the bench.
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Number 3, Dave Swannick
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Macc Town
sorry you just wanted the punchline not the whole joke
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Oh a prostetute. thats allright then, i thought you said Protestant!!!
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He only tried it twice...the first time he was sick and the second time his hat blew off
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SUPPLIES!!!
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Oh ok, I wheelie bin having a w*nk.
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"Supplies" is one of my favourite gags.
"YOU NOT NISSAN MAIN DEALER?"
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"Supplies" is one of my favourite gags.
"YOU NOT NISSAN MAIN DEALER?"
it is rather amazing.
Do you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?
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The dwarf took a deep breath and said "I'll rephrase..can i see him run around a bit?"
NO NO Nurse!...I said prick his boil.
When I explained in exasperation to the coppers if they hadn't stopped me I wouldn't be there they just went off laughing.
"Oh dear, kids today" said Mrs Mohammed "They do seem to blow up so quickly these days don't they?"
(A big nod to Ecky for two of those and a big nod to Kenneth Williams and Hatie Jacques and a shake of the head at the genius and political correctness of my big brother).
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The Pope, mining equipment and a very angry beaver.
...I'm dying, not trying to get laid!
No, but i've been blown ashore many times.
May I go next father? There's no way I'm drinking from it after Sister Mary sits in it!
I'm George W. Bush, and I want your vote.
One's made of plastic and should be kept away from children, and the other holds your groceries.
no little jonny, just because nuns have a habit, does not mean they are smacked up bitches
oh, its take your child to work day, i thought it was try to make a child at work day!
...then the third nun says "Oh, that's a hard one!"
so he said "get out of my son!"
(yes i am bored)
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Well, it was that far away........... :o
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The pope puts up his feet, lights a huge spliff and says "you f**kers are alright!"
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Well, one's a cunning stunt and the other's a.....
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No country and western.
It flu under a bus.
That will be 50 for the consultation and 500 for the cat scan
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"Well i'm fxxxing dis custurd and he has come in dis pear"
Pinched of Raffo from a quiz night
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SUPPLIES!!!
That's one of my favourite all-time jokes
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Who's the turn tonight at the NWS? Country and Western? Oh I thought you said some **** from Preston!
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"You're Thor! What about me? I can't even pith!"
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"I dunno, was it Di Maggio?" :D :D
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Must be bored - bring on the footy.................
"does tha kno owt abaart parachutes........no, does thee kno owt t'bout gas cookers ?"
"watch him Harold.......he'll have someones eye out with that bow and arrow"
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mixingmetoasties.
he lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog
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Peter Thomson promising to score 20 goals
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I had to, he was wrecking my house
That will be thirty quid please :D
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I cant piss through it!
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No I didn't say she was f~~king him I said she was F@@king goofy
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sh*t......Im bricked in!
Ecky, please can you enlighten the uneducated of us on the whole 'supplies!' joke??
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supplies is good but i think nissan main dealer is better.
but the best chinese joke is ed zackrys disease, do you know that one ecky
another personal fave
smee again garn f**k yerself
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Just for you Mr Beaver...
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back."
A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched.
Pointing to the pile of sand, the forman says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom. You tella the Chinesea guy he inna charge of a supplies, but hea disappeara, and I coulda no finda him!"
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks, "Didn't I tell you to shovel that sand?"
The Scotsman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinee in charge of supplies, but I couldna find him!"
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand, looking for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells,
"SUPPLIES!"
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Gazelle, is this the one?
Your face look Ed Zachary like your ass!
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And the queen says "it is a black mans cock?"
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My favorite joke of the orient......
"What? You want chicken and cashew nuts?"
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Has anybody heard the 'Hong Kong Dong' one?
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"that a peeking duck"
This is one of my favourite threads since the playoffs!
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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his
wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but
will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know
what the meat was on their plates, so begged their dad for the clue.
"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's a f***ing arsehole!!"
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True story: when I got married to my ex-wife-to-be my father in law asked me to write his speech. Included was the line: "I don't think of this as losing a daughter, more gaining an arse hole!"
Meanwhile.... punchline...."Eeeeeee Lord she was thin!"
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Reviviing this thread as its one of my favourites...
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Well, having missed it the first time.........
Shall us take these off then ? I've not had a decent piss all week !
One's got a soul full of hope...........
I know we've a perfectly good telly at home, but THAT'S not the one I've left the passports on top of
......just as long as you don't hit me as hard as you hit that poor crocodile
No nurse, I said remove his SPECTACLES !
That's easy - can YOU see Manchester ?
...and now she's got cider inside 'er inside
At four quid a pint, I'm not bloody surprised !
Oh no, he'll have to do without - he's nasty when he's been on the shorts
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Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."
I don't know, but he's got the Pope driving for him!
Papa they mean business! They've got a Jew nailed on a Cross in every room
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Nice tits love! Where d'you want the blinds?
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Can I see it run around a bit?
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Its great you never know when a nail will come in handy
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Guy making out with his girlfriend in Dunham Park Car Park.
Girl turns to boy and says - kiss me where it smells; so he took her to Northwich!!
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Death!.....by Bonga!
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Death by mau-mau....think it's the same joke just a slightly different punchline!
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I think bonga is longer and more drawn out than mau mau.
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yeah but mau-mau is funnier....bongo???wtf does that mean?
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I believe bonga is something to do with having a pair of stoppers shoved up your.....
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I haven't had a c**t all night drinkstable!
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I thought she said "Wear the fox hat!"
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My wife wanted something that went from 0-150 in 5 seconds, So i bought here a set of bathroom scales
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joke - what is the difference between jordan and butter. answer nothing they are easily spread.
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joke - what is the difference between jordan and butter. answer nothing they are easily spread.
We keep our butter in the fridge. It's a bastard to spread. Jordan, on the other hand.........
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joke - what is the difference between jordan and butter. answer nothing they are easily spread.
We keep our butter in the fridge. It's a bastard to spread. Jordan, on the other hand.........
I believe you are thinking of Flora*
*Other soft sunflower oil based spreads are also available.
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good job i did not say a joke about someone being sacked answer postman pat
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It was a ham bush.
He choked to death on his own Vimto.
Apparently a true story-During his leadership of the nation during the darkest days of World War 2, Sir Winston Churchill used to insist on only one thing, that no matter how urgent the news he was not to be disturbed while 'performing his ablutions.' One morning a servant hammered on the bathroom door stating that the Lord Privy Seal was demanding to be let into Churchill's presence. The instantaneously growled response-'Tell his Lordship that I am currently sealed in my privy and can only deal with one sh*t at a time.'
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Apparently a true story-During his leadership of the nation during the darkest days of World War 2, Sir Winston Churchill used to insist on only one thing, that no matter how urgent the news he was not to be disturbed while 'performing his ablutions.' One morning a servant hammered on the bathroom door stating that the Lord Privy Seal was demanding to be let into Churchill's presence. The instantaneously growled response-'Tell his Lordship that I am currently sealed in my privy and can only deal with one sh*t at a time.'
That is class!